CURIOSITY 101
Curiosity starts with empathy. Bring curiosity wherever we go to increase possibilities for connection and creativity.
Read MoreProfiles in Craft: Nellie Bly
Curiosity comes from being present, trusting, and trustworthy. Rather than impeding it, curiosity facilitates progress.
Read MoreTransitions
Not in his goals but in his transitions man is great. —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last week, I had the pleasure of moderating a panel at a local tech event on the topic of career transition. People are still writing to me about how much they enjoyed the session, which is both gratifying and humbling. Because of the level of interest, I thought I would share some of the key takeaways so others could benefit.
I’m often asked for book recommendations and I covered two main ideas from William Bridges 1980s book Transitions. People are often surprised by by the titles I promote . It’s not that I don’t read current information, but if it’s not adding a ton of new perspective, I stick to solid classics—and this book, in my opinion, should be in everyone’s business book library.
First, I think it’s important not to use the terms “change” and “transition” interchangeably.
Change is situational. It is the external event that is taking place, a new strategy, a change in leadership, a merger or a new product. The organization focuses on the outcome that the change will produce, which is generally in response to external events. It can happen very quickly.
Transition is the inner psychological process that people go through as they internalize and come to terms with the new situation that the change brings about. The starting point for dealing with transition is not the outcome but the endings that people have in leaving the old situation behind. Getting people through transition is essential if the change is actually to work as planned.
This is when, with virtually every project at any level, we often find ourselves thinking: this would be such an easier process if the people weren’t involved!
Second, a process change is always accompanied by a psychological process. The psychological process is often accompanied by challenging emotions like confusion, ambiguity, and distress. We often confront because Western culture offers few rituals or rites of passage to mark us through whatever stages we find ourselves in, people often try to skip from the loss and pain of an ending directly to a new beginning, marked by enthusiasm, hope, and acceptance.
Related to this point, there is a wonderful passage in the book that I read to the group, which I’ll share here:
We usually fail to discover [the need for rituals] at an ending until we have made the most of our necessary external changes. There we are, in the new house or on the new job or involved in the new relationship, waking up to the fact that we have not yet let go of our old ties. Or worse yet, not waking up to that fact, even though we are still moving to the inner rhythm of life back in the old situation. We’re like shellfish that often continue to open and close their shells on the tide-schedule of their old home waters, even when they have been transplanted to the laboratory tank or restaurant kitchen. —William Bridges
Photo by chuttersnap
That image, of opening and closing to tides (environments) experienced in past roles is a very visceral one for many, including myself. We’ve been where the waters are warm, cold, nurturing, and inhospitable—leading us to seek the right “climate” for our needs. But do we react well when we get there, or do we bring old habits, information, or practices with us, closing us off to opportunities in the present.
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The panelists spanned multiple sectors from non-profit, technology, healthcare, and gigging. Each person brought vulnerability and truth to the conversation as they shared their career paths with the audience. Their bios are here, and worth a look.
Rebecca found her way through constraints. Her partner’s role took him out of the country, she followed seeking alignment with her skills in a new industry. Constraints can yield inspiring journeys and force us to tap into creativity we didn’t know we had.
Blair sought to gain greater depth as a physician by exploring it through other functions: policy, research, teaching, and business. Depth, the ability to gain deep perspective from multiple sides of a problem, helps people gain great insights that help lead industry thinking in new directions.
Dan’s background in education and his volunteer interests in teaching led him full circle after a career in enterprise technology. Sometimes it’s possible to link our career expertise with something we’ve been nurturing on the side.
Amy’s path was largely intuitive, following her pleasure and the kinds of projects they sparked her deepest curiosity, from writing copy for Bing’s Search page (those juicy images with interesting factoids, that was her!), to a Jungian based Fairy tale Factory helping people learn to tell stories, to writing and advocating for a broader spectrum of male fashion at Nordstrom, to her current copywriter role at Microsoft. Sometimes we can see a direct line to where we are going, sometimes we can’t—but there are no dead ends. Everything we do is in service to the direction we are heading.
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In each case, there was a “breaking point” or a “crisis point” where an inner voice was starting to express itself. Was this the climate in which I want to stay? Am I willing to hide the biggest piece of who I am or what I have to offer in order to fit in? Are these the kinds of politics, or is this the kind of game I want to play?
At some point, our true selves come to save us from ourselves. They help us make the decisions we need to make, suffer the distress and ambiguity of change, and lead us toward our pleasure. All of the panelists, whether they designated these phases rituals or not, took time to discover what they really wanted. They considered their unlived life and weighed the consequences of going the course. And, they created a passage. They went on sabbatical, or sorts, even if it was just the week between jobs, to provide a clearing for what lay next.
They made space for a new beginning.
Christine Haskell, Ph.D. is a pragmatic researcher, coach, and consultant focused on helping busy leaders take responsibility for their learning and development. Her book Craft Your Life, sharing lessons from master craftsmen and women on personal and professional mastery, is due out late 2019. Sign up for her (semi-regular) newsletter here.
Best Practice: Maintaining Tension (between knowing and not knowing)
Purpose: to adopt a mindset of both “believing and disbelieving” to learn something new or widen your perspective.
Most of us are taught in school and later in our jobs that once we are successful then we’ll be happy. Yet, research demonstrates that happiness is a precursor to success. Optimizing for tangible “success” is so seductive. We even refer to them as “tangible outcomes” forgetting to observe the process for achieving them. We will suffer through arcane methodologies and esoteric language to achieve these “outcomes” forgetting to take note of the experiences we have along the way. We often had to learn the hard way that success is merely a byproduct of a particular approach, not an end goal.
A key component of happiness is curiosity. Curiosity is what makes us open to new ideas and unfamiliar experiences. Buddhist’s refer to this as entering with “the beginner’s mind.” Researchers call it “growth mindset.” Children naturally embody it. Adults when forced to change, experience it under duress. Curiosity helps us see new things, see old things in new ways, and be open to multiple truths. Ta-Nehisi Coates discusses the notion of “muscular empathy” which challenges us to be open to some of the most difficult truths.
Muscular empathy is not the soft, flattering, hand-holding empathy. Coates describes muscular empathy as deeply rooted in curiosity. If you really want to understand a difficult topic, “it is essential that you first come to grips with the disturbing facts of your own mediocrity.” He counsels us to look at ourselves, first, and painfully examine ourselves before determining an opinion.
The first rule is this--You are not extraordinary. It's all fine and good to declare that you would [have done more, known more, been more]. But it's much more interesting to assume that you wouldn't have and then ask, "Why?" —Ta-Nehisi Coates
Certainty is the enemy of curiosity. Or as “Google Genius” Tom Chi explains, knowing is the end of learning. Being certain and knowing things is so tempting. Most of us, me included, have learned that knowing things and being certain is how we prove how smart or wise we are. The opposite is actually true.
Our certainty about people, organizations, and the world makes them predictable and it gives us a false sense of comfort and control in our understanding of how the world operates. This belief in a fixed world is an illusion and the source of our entitlement to certain outcomes and lays the foundation for our frustration, irritation, and sadness when things don’t work as we think they should.
We seek control when we feel out of control. This is most acute when we are tipping forward toward change as individuals or enduring change in organizations. The more control we seek, the more out of control we feel. It’s a cycle of our own making.
The most insidious illustration of this concept shows up in our relationships with others. When we feel out of control we try to control those around us. “Can’t they just be different? more like us? do what we want or need them to do? Others experience us like a vice, constricting their ability to express themselves, ignoring their needs, and dominating us.
It is better to believe than to disbelieve; in doing you bring everything to the realm of possibility. —Albert Einstein
Every individual is growing, evolving, learning, and changing everyday. We are movies, always evolving toward a conclusion. We are not photos, frozen in time. When we make others predictable we rob them of that same possibility.
When others become predictable in our minds we give ourselves permission to stop listening. When we stop listening we aren’t really interacting with others, we are simply interacting with the simple (and convenient for us) versions of them we have created in our own minds. Sometimes we even make others predictable in a negative way to shift responsibility for what we don’t like from us to them.
If you feel out of control, let go of trying to control things. Life becomes magical when you let go of as much control as possible over what is beyond you and simultaneously claim as much agency as possible over what is within you.
Consider an event and write about it. It can be anything from seeing someone at lunch to a major meeting. Choose something that isn't too emotionally jarring. List the aspects of it that were completely in your control and which weren't. This might yield some initial insights on what is or is not in your control.
Here is an example:
IN MY CONTROL
The intent to show up on time to the meeting
Valuing my boss's opinion of me and my work
The wish to reduce my close rates and turnaround times
The desire to get actionable advice from my boss (if it'd help meet most of my goals)
Conscious nervous thoughts/what I tell myself
OUT OF MY CONTROL
Actually showing up on time (another meeting might have run late)
My boss's opinion of me
Meeting my close targets (I can't force the engineering team to implement ALL my fixes!)
Actually getting useful tips
Automatic nervous thoughts and physical feelings of anxiety
Alongside technical skills, people who can master a range of subjective skills are better able to influence, deal with ambiguity, bounce back from setbacks, think creatively, and manage themselves successfully in their pursuit of mastery. Learn more about the 25 Skills.
Best Practice: Develop Your Curiosity Index
Cultivate curiosity wherever you go and increase possibilities for connection and creativity.
Our brains scan for threats and rewards 5 times a second. Maintaining three levels of awareness while our brains scans the environment is a lot to keep track of—and, you also have to bring people along with you. You want people to be leaning in and feeling that working with you is a place of reward, not one of risk. You also understand that you/yourself want feelings of safety, because when you make yourself feel safe, you are doing your best work.
So how do we influence others while all this is going on?
How you show up influences the environment that drives engagement. We have four primary drivers that determine how we read any given situation. They are summarized here as your "C-Index":
Community. Are you with me or against me? If you are seen as being part of the team, you will be safe. If you are seen as an outsider,
Certainty. Do I know the future or don’t I? If you know the next step, you feel safe. If the path is unclear, you feel less safe.
Control. Are you more or less important than me? If the person you are talking does not recognize your role or boundaries, you will feel less safe.
Choice. Do I get a say? Your level of autonomy is critical in gauging your level of reward. The less choice you have the less safe you feel. “The ultimate freedom of creative groups is the freedom to experiment with new ideas. Some skeptics insist that innovation is expensive. In the long run, innovation is cheap. Mediocrity is expensive—and autonomy can be the antidote.” –Tom Kelley, General Manager, IDEO
Your goal is to increase your C-Index wherever you go.
Remember that when working with other people, you are also working with their triggers. For instance, hearing about bits and pieces of a strategic plan from peers rather than from you might bring up the feeling of being left out (i.e., not having a say). While you don’t show up as a threatening leader in any way, some actions might inadvertently have an impact.
Alongside technical skills, people who can master a range of subjective skills are better able to influence, deal with ambiguity, bounce back from setbacks, think creatively, and manage themselves successfully in their pursuit of mastery. Learn more about skills of modern craftsmanship.