Everyone, at any given time, is looking for someone or something to blame for their suffering. They are looking to make meaning of or find purpose in their suffering. If suffering starts within, and we seek to blame something outside of ourselves, we are expanding out. Our aggression seeks a target. It’s natural. That doesn’t make it right.
If I pause and hold on so tightly to what she did, how she spoke, what she took from me–I get hooked. Perhaps I am right about these things. She did treat me unfairly. She did judge me harshly. She did take ideas. Being right just makes me righteous and increases my suffering.
To cool my emotions, I gather perspective. My work is still my work. I am still on the path I want to be on. My progress is mine. This reduces my suffering and those around me. It is like cooling the lava within.